A lot of us struggle with following things through, sticking to something we have started. Sometimes we want to be different but don’t know how to achieve it or we know how to, but always slip back to the old ways. The bigger problem (if we are honest and true to yourself) is the fear of the change. When this keeps happening we can start to beat ourselves up, we avoid a situation, get angry at others or ourselves or just give up.

We all have conflict in our brain, some of us can see both sides but still struggle to change or motivate ourselves, why is this?

We going to talk about three parts of the brain:

  • Right brain also known as the subconscious brain or unconditioned self. This is where we work things out, see the bigger picture. The brain is slow, logical and it’s where our feelings happen.
  • Left brain also known as the learned self or conscious brain. This is where the brain helps us to survive and it reacts fast, automatic and it’s where our thinking happens
  • Frontal Lobe also known as the single mind, third eye. This is where the brain has power, ability to act, make life changes, health, peace and joy.


We can use the Left brain (learned self) to much when we should be using the Right (unconditioned self). The Left brain (survival) feels it’s in charge but when it cannot answer a question the Right brain (Logic) kicks in to help. But this can be where conflict kicks off, the thinking and feelings are different.

To help you understand here is your first exercise: read down both columns, read out loud whether each word is printed in lowercase or uppercase. When you are done then go back to both columns again, saying whether each word is printed to the left or right.


                        LEFT                                                               upper

                                    left                                                       lower

                        right                                                                             LOWER

                        RIGHT                                                               upper

                                    RIGHT                                                   UPPER

                                    left                                                                   lower

                        LEFT                                                                           LOWER

                                    right                                                                UPPER


Do this exercise before reading on.

You were almost certainly successful in saying the correct words in both tasks, and you surely discovered some parts were much easier than others. When you identified upper and lowercase, left hand column was easier and the right-hand column caused you to slow down and perhaps stammer or stumble. When you named the position of the words, the left-hand column was difficult and the right was much easier. This is because you were creating a conflict between an automatic reaction and an intention to control.

We also have illusions, to appreciate the autonomy of Left brain (learned self) as well as the distinction between impressions and beliefs.

Her are two horizontal lines of different lengths with fins, pointing in different directions. The top line obviously looks longer than the one below. That is what you see, and we naturally believe what we see.

If you have already seen this image before you will recognize it as the famous Muller-Lyer illusion. As you can easily confirm by measuring the two lines, the horizontal line is identical length.

Even though you have measured them, you – your Right brain (unconditioned self), says ‘I have a new belief’ and you know that the lines are an equal length, you will still see them as different lengths. We cannot prevent the Left brain (learned self) from kicking in, this is why we can struggle to move on from past events, start a new thought pattern and this is why negative can override positive.

We also have this happening when it comes to thinking and feeling. If the thinking is on our left side of the brain and our feeling on our right side, when we THINK in our brain that we want something in our life, but, we unknowingly FEEL in our hearts that we are not worthy of it, we will not receive or achieve it and inner conflict or war will start.

This conflict will remain until an agreement is in place. We need to bring both the left brain, thinking, survival, learned self and the right brain, feeling, logical, unconditioned self together and bring them to the frontal lobe, power, ability to act, making changes.


Our very own feelings and thoughts

are what create the circumstances

that bring our life to us


In order for us to experience in life what we THINK we desire, the THINKING and the FEELING have to be working together. If the FEELING is not the same as the THINKING, then we need to change the FEELING so it becomes the same as the THINKING. After we align the THINKING and the FEELING so they are the same, we become single-minded (we are using the frontal lobe). Until we achieve this, we are double-minded and life works against us. When we are single- minded about what we desire in life, life works for us because the FEELING, or heart, always wins.

This is why it can be so hard to sick to a new habit. It can take 21 days or more to break an old habit or break in a new habit.

Here are a few steps to take:

  • Start by taking small steps, so they feel more achievable.
  • Don’t set unrealistic goals
  • See what help you need to achieve your new habit and ask for the help.
  • Keep going even if you have a bad day and fall off the wagon, acknowledge it but don’t beat yourself up, just start again, until it becomes easier.
  • Face your fears and feelings. When we get the nagging voice in our head, sit with it, face it, ask yourself is it really true?
  • Sit and close your eyes and imagine doing your new habit, see yourself doing it, feel how good it feels, imagine how life will be if you keep this new habit up. Hold these images and feelings so you have something to relate too when you are struggling.

For information, help and support. contact me on 07551 006898 or hello@hayleybennettwellbeing.com


Live Better – Feel Better with Hayley Bennett Wellbeing